A song to help find Vicki Iseman (remember her? McCain’s maybe-onetime-mistress?)

It has been exactly one month since the New York Times broke the John McCain/Vicki Iseman scandal, and since then the press has gone after Iseman with all the veracity and acumen of a dead hippo. What gives?

Don’t get me wrong – I think that if John McCain had an inappropriate relationship with a lobbyist who looks like a Barbie doll that your sister gave a haircut to, it doesn’t make him any less qualified to be president than I already think he is. That said. I’d like to win this election, and since any Democrat that is state assembly on up can’t look at a woman other than his wife without the press going after her, I’d like to see the same crappy journalism help my team for once.

It certainly isn’t happening yet, and Vicki Iseman is either sitting at home thanking Eliot Spitzer and Jeremiah Wright for making this news almost as old as John McCain, or some shadowy people have buried her in the desert. We wrote a song to help find out – enjoy!

Shout-outs to Huffpost blogger Chris Kelly and 80’s punk gods Husker Du for obvious inspiration.

Right click this and select “save link as” to download this song in much better fidelity than YouTube offers.

Vicki Where Are You?

A month ago when I first read your name
In a television storm of counterclaims
Certain that you’d surface soon enough
To deflect the accusations, cry out how you’ve been misjudged
The rumors faded out and that was that
And everyone stopped wondering just where you might be at
Now it’s likely that I’ll see your face
On a box of milk at breakfast or a ship to outer space

Vicki where are you, did they send you far away
I don’t want to argue, I just want to know that you’re okay
Vicki where are you on a rocket to the moon
Vicki where are you, I hope you come home soon

Hey, for all I know you just might be
In little plastic bags down at the bottom of the sea
Maybe you fell victim to the hands
Sticking shovel after shovel in the Arizona sand
I’m only kidding, am I not
I wouldn’t put it past them, don’t expect them to get caught
So keep your story firmly in your throat
1,000 screaming children clench their teeth and hope you don’t

Vicki where are you, did they pull you way down south
Are you tied to a chair with duct tape on your mouth
V-V-Vicki where are you, way down in Mexico
Vicki where are you, why’d you have to go

The search and rescue party has gone home
And Timmy, Wolf and Tweety vowed to leave you well alone
I’d offer an advance to write a book
If you make it to the cameras before you lose your looks

Vicki where are you, and just what did you do
Vicki where are you, on the island of Nauru
Vicki where are you, the girl the world forgot
Vicki where are you, You might be all we’ve got
Vicki where are you?